riSe aNd sHIne

Recession has left me with least chores at workplace... this shouldn't have sounded as big a catastrophe... only if we are not presumed to "look busy" (do nothing) relentlessly each working day… All thanks to the Almighty, to habituate a bladder among other organs in an intricate congested human anatomy…. which can conveniently be tuned (any number of times) to relieve a drizzle just by gulping down couple of glasses of water.

Rest room serves to be the only venue, which gives u respite from chronic monotony of "NO WORK"…. So one can alternately consume water and later drain it.… all day long.

Moreover, I can tittle-tattle,  roar with laughter,  admire myself in the mirror (if nobody looks at me… at least I can look my self),… check if my lip-gloss is still glaring and tresses well in place.

By virtue of high gender ratio in corporation… women washroom is never a chockfull place.

Of course cafeteria is also a cool option… but I categorize it as "touch n go" zone... for if u stay little longer, there are bright prospects you'll be embroiled in catch-22 with your manager... who will tear you apart with just one glance... and you, no matter how tedious it is, have to smile back candidly.

Isn't it a wacky analogy between office and school?... when we were young... how in every lesson, we use to ask teacher to go to loo or drench our mouth. Lavatory since then is my favorite den... nevertheless, the most invulnerable territory to exchange valuable ideas (esp. during tests).

However there use to be one more hot spot… for where we didn't even need any approval… and that was the corner of classroom accommodating dustbin... all one has to do is to send wireless gesticulation to your friend at remote seat to join round-the-dustbin conference with you. It doesn’t matter if your propelling pencil doesn't need any sharpening… u can still break the lead and go there to hone it till u get world's finest .0005mm pointed tip... and meanwhile trade some gags and secret sensitive messages.

Unfortunately housekeeping department in companies hasn't yet acknowledged "one trash-box per floor" concept as matter of considerable gravity... Wretched people just for the sake of better hygiene furnish one per desk... hence compromising mobility and moments of delight for chair-ridden employees.

Here are some of the clues u can dig… while u have trivial (or NO) endeavors and still u want to look engrossed without being glued to your bench.

Visiting canteen too often can only make u seem "vella"... this equally applies if u participate actively in every cultural event.

So below are few boondoggles, which besides improving your metabolism will also keep you buzzing like busy bee!!

• Getup to guzzle down H20 every half an hour or if your taste buds got fed up with same plain colorless (flavorless) liquid u can fetch a cup of coffee... (Hidden Agenda: Its medically proven... drinking more water improves skin).

• Chase your nature call to rinse out fluid u took sometime ago... (Warning: Don’t wait to test elastic strength of your bladder).

• Go over to dispatch section to ask if u have any pending courier.... (Sentiment: Your self-service will ease burden of low paid staff).

• You may not need but its praiseworthy if you keep taking print outs… so roll in to grab the hard outputs of your soft inputs.... (Game plan: Your organization might be monitoring and would be pleased to discover employees doing lot of offline reading).

• Reach out to housekeeping and get your mitts on some stationary, which is buried there since ages and before rats transmogrify them into heap of unidentifiable scrap, u better do justice with lifeless chunks.

• Use the above raw material to ornament your desk. (Motivation: Aesthetic backdrop will magnify your glamour).

• Instead of emailing somebody… approach him personally to discuss whatever.... (Gimmick: This will promote your popularity among peers). 

• If you feast upon anything at your table, fly to rest room to rinse your palms (doesn’t matter if you had just a toffee straight from rapper, and your fins are speckless)..... (Reminder: Exercise swine flu caution rules).

• Loose no time to collect any courtesy-gifts/ food coupons or if u need to drop any bill or cheque or courier..... (Conviction: You will thereby avoid embarrassment to office admin by not under-utilizing company's amenities at your disposal).

• Occasionally u can pay tribute to scanner and Photostat m/c, safeguarding such valuable assets from corrosion.

• Incase u r Abhishek Bachchan's fan... you can walk & talk .. walk & talk.. walk and talk (yess exactly thrice).

• At times, you can spruce up your cabinet by doing away old junk. Gathering all the rubbish will give cleaning staff a leg up against vacuum cleaners (yeah... its about human Vs machine combat).

• You can entertain loan, insurance, & banking agents during working hours. These are the most humble folks in the world… and our planet would only go downhill, if we don’t appreciate their generosity.

• Get your hands on some novels or other publications from library (not to torment yourself, but to further accessorize your chamber).

• Don’t forget to replenish the (above mentioned) stock sporadically. Substituting the old with fresh stuff can conveniently be done in two rounds.... (Stimulant: Ambience restoration can often rejuvenate your spirit).

• Place a call to a/c technician to acclimatize the temperature to suit your comfort (depends whether you are missing winters or summers).

 

• If you still left with ample time, you better practice dozing inside comfort station… (don’t be anxious, nobody will come hunting you.... Out of sight is out of mind :P)

We (aRe) liKe yOu!

Everybody around me is getting spliced...  some just had it done... others planning to walk down the aisle soon... and very few still in quest for their soul mates.

No matter what...  I will always have the honor of being the "first one to tie knots" and that is uniform across my different groups of friends.

As time passes by... (being senior most ) its delightful to see each of my friends getting hitched... and its equally fun to see how they choose their life partner.

Here is my gender-based analysis about how each one of us makes this eternal choice before we plug into in nuptial bliss.

What WE girls seek in you guys?

• One who can love us endlessly.
• Who doesn’t smoke or drink.
• Should be earning well.
• Your family can accept us gracefully.
• Should be loyal, decent and honest.

Now men when they think of marriage...  they categorize their preference based on working and non-working woman.

Though most of matrimonial ads say "looking for beautiful, fair, tall, professionally qualified homely/working girl" but such circulars are usually posted by the family... so let’s dig into mind of the guy.

What (YOU) guys look for in a young lady (Employed)?

• She should be very very beautiful... if not in whole of universe... at least be able to fetch stares and "wow" sighs from all relatives and peers.

• Her father should have enough life-savings to make your life perfect paradise after wedding.

• Her family should realize they are actually fortunate to find in you such a good match... and should revere you like god, dedicating sacred bhog (in form of mauney) as a token of courtesy, (regularly) all their life.

• Damsel shouldn’t be egoistic or individualistic.

• Should be soft spoken and graceful.

• Should be able to cook at least 3 meals each day of her wedded life.

• Should have deep interest in household work.

• Should regard children as divine grace and should enthusiastically produce & raise at least two off springs to fulfill the Ideal Happy family (tree) dream.

• Should respect and be caring and self-less towards your (extended) family.

• She should frequently wear sari and suits (only then she can exemplify true Indian beauty).

•  She shouldn’t have past relationships.

• Shouldn't work late in office and be at home before you step in.

• Should be ready to quit job if anytime family-utopia gets adversely affected.

• Shouldn’t have male friends as close buddies.

• Should be able to find new best friends among wives of your gang.

• Shouldn’t prefer going alone in office parties.

• You will appreciate if she calls you everyday to ask if you had your lunch and how soon you will be coming back home.

• She shouldn't drink (even occasionally) or smoke.

• She should be religious & traditional.

• She shouldn’t be too liberal in her ways.

• She should agree (yes boss) with you on almost (anything important) everything.

What (you) guys look for in young lass (non-working)?

• She should be very very beautiful... if not in whole of universe... at least be able to fetch stares and "wow" sighs from all relatives and peers.

• Her father MUST have huge reserves to make your life perfect paradise after wedding.

• Her family should realize they are actually fortunate to find in you such a good match... and should revere you like god, dedicating sacred bhog (in form of mauney) as a token of courtesy, (regularly) all their life.

• Should be able to cook at least 5 meals each day of her wedded life effortlessly.

• Should be an artist when it comes to household work and spend her time creatively at home.

• She should regard children as divine grace and should enthusiastically produce & raise at least two off springs to fulfill the Ideal Happy family (tree) dream.

• Should respect and be caring and self-less towards your family.

• She shouldn't shy away from western outfits (that would prove her all rounder).

• Should be able to find new gossip friends among wives of your gang.

• She shouldn't bad-mouth about anybody in family to you.

• She should be well qualified (professional qualification is even better).

• She should be smart enough to give tough competition to any professional women in office parties or elsewhere.

• She should not make any mistakes while driving the car (nevertheless she doesn’t own a personal vehicle).

• She shouldn't be spendthrift and should value your hard earned money.

• She shouldn't pester you with her calls while you are in office.

• Its critical that both of you bear compatible opinions like kitty parties and beauty parlors are worthless, its absolutely fine if you at times get late partying with your friends, unless an obsession drinking and smoking isn't bad for health, etc.

• She should be an Internet expert and aware of latest happenings.

• She shouldn't watch Ekta Kapoor's TV soaps.

• Should be able to enjoy test cricket and sci-fi movies.

• She should be adventurous and outgoing.

• She should not be over-religious or ritualistic.

• She should maintain good figure and follow newest trends.

• She shouldn't pamper children by spoon feeding.

• You won’t mind if she shows interest in learning new things like interior decoration or similar courses but only once children have grown up.

• She shouldn’t crib to go for outing or holidays.

• She shouldn’t know how to use credit/debit cards.

Gentlemen we admit we are no goddesses… for you are no gods either. I know it tough for you guys to do away all your expectations… but its high time you admit we are not born for u, live for u or can die for u… We love you so much… but how can we be any less self-centered… greedy or ambitious than you. We all built-up same way :D

We can’t be super woman like your mothers but we are powerful enough to be able to live life our way.

Let us together transform marriage from being institution of suppression and compromise to institution of love, independence and choice. Please... please agree with me this time.